Is Toxic Masculinity a Real Thing?

"Toxic masculinity" is a relatively new phrase that has gained a lot of attention recently, particularly in light of the Me Too movement. But what does it mean, and is it even really a thing?As you'll hear me say over and over on this blog, this is a nuanced topic that needs to be fully understood before being judged. Toxic masculinity is indeed a thing, but not the over-simplified version that we often see portrayed by its opponents. In short, toxic masculinity is an overidentification with stereotypical male roles that results in harm to self and/or others. At least, that's my definition. Obviously, this definition still leaves a lot of questions. What qualifies as harm? What is a stereotypical masculine behavior and what is a behavior that is actually part of being biologically male? These questions are worth exploring but are beyond the scope of this blog.The concept of toxic masculinity can do a lot of good if understood correctly. It's important to understand that masculinity, like any character trait, can become harmful if it gets in the way of healthy emotional functioning. For example, if a man was raised with the idea that "real men" don't cry or express hurt, then that can cause real harm to that man and the people he's in a relationship with. A belief like that can lead to suppressed emotions that come out as aggression, self-destruction, or some equally unhealthy behavior.What toxic masculinity doesn't mean is that masculinity itself is toxic. Many seem to have taken it to mean this, and I don't think people with a mature view of the topic truly think this way. Masculinity itself isn't necessarily harmful. If a man likes barbecuing and playing cards and identifies those behaviors as part of his masculinity, why is that a problem? If, on the other hand, he so strongly believes that a grill can only be operated by men and therefore forbids his wife to use it, we're talking about something completely different.The majority of the time people are criticizing toxic masculinity, they are criticizing stereotypical, outdated masculine ideas that lead to mistreatment of others, poor self-care, or outright abuse. Certain masculine tendencies or traditions are perfectly fine and a healthy part of developing an identity. The idea of toxic masculinity should not be used to discourage or shame young men from embracing their masculine traits and accepting them as part of who they are. It should, however, be used to draw attention to the fact that certain behaviors or beliefs traditionally defined as masculine might be causing much more harm than good if they are taken to excess, or are the sole source of a man's identity.