Processing Kobe's Death While Acknowledging His Controversial Past
As are millions of people around the globe, I am struggling to wrap my head around the death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna Bryant. We all "know" that our lives can end at any time, but that doesn't reduce the shock experienced when lives end far earlier than we expect. It's even more of a shock when it happens to someone who is seemingly larger than life and immune to the vulnerabilities that we regular folk move through life with. Amidst the outpouring of sadness and grief, however, there is a fairly large group of individuals who are providing reminders to the world that Kobe Bryant may well have been a rapist.
Kobe Bryant’s Disturbing Rape Case: The DNA Evidence, the Accuser’s Story, and the Half-Confession https://t.co/ec46u2ZfRb
— Felicia Sonmez (@feliciasonmez) January 26, 2020
I'll start off by saying that I'm agnostic when it comes to Kobe's actions on that night. Is it possible he raped the woman he was accused of raping? Of course. Is it possible the allegations were false? Maybe. I tend to believe the victim, but I am aware that false allegations sometimes, although rarely, do occur. The bottom line is I don't know for sure, so I'm going to refrain from acting like I know. I have my suspicions, but the truth of the incident is now only known to one living human being.What I do know is that a lot of victims (direct or indirect) of rape and sexual assault are having a difficult time watching what's going on right now. I can't imagine how hard it is for them to watch Kobe Bryant, a man who they believe is or may be a rapist, be worshipped and venerated by millions. I would suspect it is invalidating of their experience and a not-so-subtle message that heinous acts like rape are forgivable or forgettable if people really like you for the other neat stuff you do. This conflict brings up a lot of important questions that are not easy to answer. For example, does engaging in a heinous act mean a person deserves death? Are we only allowed to mourn the loss of people who have only done forgivable bad things, wherever that line is? Is there something morally reprehensible about liking or even revering someone who has committed a heinous act in their past? Is it possible for a person to be redeemed even after causing profound pain and suffering?
As someone who narrowly escaped a gang rape in my late teens by the skin of my teeth and sheer fucking luck, I'm having a really hard time seeing people mourning the death of accused rapist #KobeBryant
Y'all must really, really like rape, huh?— Alethea (@Alethea_Ashton) January 26, 2020
I don't know the answer to these questions, and I don't know that there even is one correct answer. What I believe is that everyone is going to respond to a divisive incident like this in their own way depending on their own life experiences. We need to respect that and be sensitive to the whole range of human experiences that may occur in a complicated situation like this. Some people will deify Kobe Bryant and choose to remember him as a nearly flawless human being. Others will focus solely on his negative behavior. Many will probably fall in between. Regardless of your reaction to this news, your feelings about it are valid, but you don't have the right to invalidate someone else's emotional response to it. If a direct or indirect victim of a violent crime feels invalidated by the exaltation of Kobe, their feelings need to be understood and acknowledged. Alternatively, if someone chooses to reflect fondly on Kobe's life and career, they have the right to have that reaction without being vilified or shamed for it.This event will bring up a lot of feelings for a lot of people. Some of them may conflict, and that's OK. Life is complicated. People are complicated. Seek to understand and we can move closer to one another. Seek to judge and we'll move farther apart. You can have your beliefs and reactions without being insensitive to others.
A lot of complicated thoughts about Kobe Bryant today.
I wish people would realize it’s possible to both honor his legacy AND recognize that sexual assault was part of it.
You don’t need to pick between feeling devastated for Kobe/his family and censoring his history.— Abby Honold (@abbyhonold) January 26, 2020