Communicating at Work When Work Sucks

Of all the reasons clients make it into my office, work stress is most certainly in the top three. Us humans need money. It's unfortunate, but we do. Not only do we need it, but we need a good amount of it on a regular basis. This usually means being beholden to a job, which also includes being beholden to a boss, co-workers, and often customers.Because of this, people don't know how to communicate at work when dealing with difficult bosses or coworkers. They feel like they have to nod and smile no matter the situation. They believe they need to put up with whatever crap is flung at them so they can continue to work and maintain their lifestyle.The unfortunate truth is that these things are all true... to an extent. We do have to pick our battles, but that doesn't mean we need to allow ourselves to be miserable. The thing that keeps people passive at a job is an intense fear that their lives will be significantly ruined if they stand up for themselves and potentially lose their jobs. I won't lie, the fear isn't completely unfounded, but it's most likely excessive and causing damage to your quality of life. The truth is usually that losing the job would be very stressful, but finding another one won't be as difficult as it seems.Let's say you're stuck in a corporate office and have a boss that is just the worst. He (or she) comes up to you on a daily basis and nitpicks at everything you've done wrong the previous day. In addition, he never praises you for anything you've done well. Even more, he sometimes raises his voice and uses abusive language.What the heck do you do? Let's start with what you don't do:

1. Allow it - Life is far too short to be abused, intimidated, or demeaned on a daily basis. I know this is much easier said than done, but I'm going to say it anyway: if your job has you miserable every day, you need a new job. I know, I know. I can already hear the excuses. You can't afford the pay cut, you relocated for this job, you need it to keep your house, etc. etc. My response to this is: I don't care. NOTHING is worth throwing away the happiness in your life. Work doesn't need to be constantly joyful, but it shouldn't be miserable. If you're miserable, what good does that big house and fancy car do for you? Downsizing is always worth maintaining your sanity.
2. Cower - If someone verbally abuses you and cuts you down, do not cower and profusely apologize. Do not become abusive back, but let the person know that talking to you that way is not appropriate. Yes, even a boss.
3. Gossip - A lot of people just hold their tongue in difficult situations and then gossip when they get around other "safe" coworkers. This just keeps you stuck. If you do this, you develop the habit of not addressing things directly, which means they'll never get better.

What you should do:

1. Set boundaries - I don't care if the CEO is talking to you. If she (or he) regularly becomes abusive, say something. You don't have to flip your desk over and make a scene, but imagine your boss calls you an "idiot." The first time, you may choose to let it slide. Especially if it's something that never happens and she shows remorse. However, if it happens again, my belief is that you have every right to say, "I want to hear you and fix my mistake, but please do not call me an idiot." If it continues, you can try again being more forceful ("You may not call me names."). If it still continues, go to the human resources department if your job has one. If THAT doesn't work, it might be time for a new job. Just make sure you find one before you leave your current one.
2. Hold your head high - Don't grovel when you make a mistake or when you're confronted. Apologize once and move forward. If you cower and show that being mistreated is acceptable, it is likely to happen more often.
3. Communicate directly - At first, try direct communication. If a co-worker is getting on your nerves, talk to them directly about what you need from them (e.g. "Please turn your music down. I'm having trouble concentrating.") If you avoid direct communication, you aren't taking your life into your own hands. You have needs, and you are worth having those needs heard. If direct communication is fruitless, then it would be appropriate to go higher up.

Obviously, this will all be easier with a coworker than it will be with a boss or a boss' boss. You may have to adjust how much crap you're willing to put up with depending on how much higher up on the totem pole the other person is. That being said, you should never put up with abuse from anyone. Especially physical/sexual abuse or harassment. There are laws protecting people from that, so don't allow it to keep happening to you.At the end of the day, you get to decide how much crap you're really willing to put up with. If you're the type of person that honestly isn't bothered by mistreatment at work, then I have no problem with you avoiding it and shrugging it off. However, most people can't just shrug it off. It hurts and it sticks with them. If this is the case for you, take control of your life and speak up for yourself. Always do so respectfully yet firmly. People are more likely to listen and respond. If they don't, then you take the next course of action.